A Poem

Love 101: Reminder to oneself

Be with someone who makes you feel you’re beautiful, and reminds you that you’ll always be no matter what. Regardless if you have gained weight or have a messy hair, in his yes you will always be beautiful.

Be with the one who knows what your worth when they have you.

Be with the one who who wont lie/ cheat on you because he knows its just not worth it.

Be with someone who value you more than his ‘macho-male-ego’… By that, I mean, be with the one who stopped sending flirty text/  private messages to other girls behind your back just for the sake of boosting his masculine ego,and simply because he knows its going to crash your heart.

Be with the one who cant stand fighting with you. By that, he’d rather lose his useless pride than lose you in the process. 

Be with the one who makes you feel good about yourself not the other way round.

Be with the one who’s considerate and sensitive on how and what you feel. By that, you need not to read him every word of what to do and not to do. When you’re in a relationship, you should stop flirting! 

Be with the one who knows what and how to make you happy. 

Be with someone who’ll be proud to have you. By that I mean, he isnt ashamed to talk about you whenever  hes with his friends; he should not send indirect messages to random girls he wants to hook up with on how he wanted to get rid off you.

Be with the one who can completely be honest with you. By that I mean to stop putting up with someone’s lame excuses and makes you feel like a fool in the end.

Be with the one who doesn’t make fun of what you feel. By that I mean stop seeing the guy who enjoys it when you get jealous just because it makes him feel that He’s the Man, when clearly, its not.

Be with the one who can give you their passwords on their social media accounts.  Everyone may need their own privacy but not really everyone deserves it. How do I know? Because history repeats itself. 

Be with the one makes you feel loved. By that I mean, he should always remind you how much he loves you even when you are fighting.

Be with someone who listen. By that I mean, he lets you express what you feel. You may not always share the same stand on most things, but if he cares about you, he’ll listen and talk things out for you.

Be with the one who knows how to compromise. By that I mean, he’ll give in to your request to never patronize starfucks. Why not? When all ever Starfuck do is remind you on how he cheated as he dated another random girl while you are still very much together. 

Be with the one who makes you feel alive, not a trash with a built in bruised ego.

Be with the one who’s man enough to be faithful to one woman— and that is you.

Be with the one who makes you feel good enough.  You dont need to have a porn’s star body to please him. because if he loves you, he loves you, in any forms and sizes.

Be with the one who who wants to be with you.

Be the with the one who knows he is a lucky bastard for having you.

Be with the one who chooses YOU  over any random girl out there.

Be with the one who’s everything HE IS NOT…

Quotes that screams for me

“I need to learn to recognize and identify these danger signs when I see them, and not brush them off as "eccentricities," "lovable oddities," or "a sign that he s crying out for help and the comforting of a codependent nurturer that only I, can provide. Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them. ” 

- Laurie Notaro




“The movies make the brooding guy the hero – the guy with problems the guy who carries a gun, the gun with unresolved anger, the guy with a chip on his shoulder, the guy who’s a vampire – and they tell you that you can have the mythical happy ending with that same brooding guy.
But in reality, the brooding guy is cranky. He doesn’t reply to emails. He doesn’t call. He’s only half there when you’re talking to him, and he doesn’t chase you when you run. You feel insecure all the time. You get needy and sad and you hate yourself got being needy.

If you don’t know why he’s brooding, you’re shut out.

And if you do know why he’s brooding, you’re still shut out. (Because he’s busy brooding.)”

-E. Lockhart




“So I put up with bad behavior in the name of loving the way I thought you were supposed to love.”

-Deb Caletti


It has always been a constant rivalry between me and his pride. I never won. Im done being a loser. Maybe its meant to be this way.. to be this hard and frustrating at the same time. Maybe all i need to do is to raise the white flag and get over it, but instead Im here stuck and all I do is rant because the truth is I fear to choose any of the options thats playing in my head.

Dear Self,

Looking at you right now i cant help but smile. And although it has been a very rough and a cruel ride, Im just glad to see you fighting back and smiling back at me. Its going to take a while for your old smile to come back, but its good enough to know that you decided to fight back and to move on with your own life.

Well, Id like to apologize for allowing you to feel this pain. I know that I should have let you walk away long ago, I should have insisted  you to follow what your mind did tell you, but I did not. Maybe because I knew, even if I did, you will refuse to listen. You're too stubborn to listen and yet you're too hopeful that tables gonna turn in your favor, and so you stayed and waited for a miracle to happen.

You see, nursing a broken heart and carrying a smile for the world to see is such a brave thing to do, and i must give you the credits for trying and thinking that what you did was the best thing. Walking away from something that not only makes you unhappy but also makes you lose yourself more everyday was the only option you have to save yourself. After all, you cannot forever wait for a prince charming to save a Princess... Because, it does not happen in real life. Because the truth is, you are your own hero. This is no fairytale.

And just because you're the one hurting now, doesn't really mean its going to stay that way. There are still those nights when you cry yourself to sleep, and think how unfair the situation is. Its not a bad choice when you chose to love yourself more when someone who promised to, cannot or just wont. Its time to choose yourself over someone who doesnt give a sh*t on what and how you feel. Its time to gather yourself up with all the little pieces left and just start all over again. Its always easier to move forward when you know that you have given your best shot. At least you wouldnt go living your life with so many 'what if's' and 'if only' ...
Stop feeling bad when the jerk who caused you pain and made you cry doesnt have balls to even apologize for breaking you, because really, before we appreciate the Good men, we will have to meet and kiss few jerks in our lives.

So for now, believe that all of these are working out exactly as God has planned. Its painful and most of the things doesn't make sense, but it will someday. I wont wish bad things to happen to the person who caused you pain, because even if i did, im not sure its really going to make you happy. I've let you suffered long enough, and its time I put you first. After all, you deserve nothing but the best. You've been good enough even if the person you chose to gave your all doesn't realized it, someday, someone else will.

Love,

Me

Happy Ending

 

I might not have found my own happy ending with a prince charming as fairy tales would want most girls with a romantic bone like mine to dream of, but for Our Story, being with myself would be the best way to have its so called happy ending. And as days go by, I'm more convinced that I am where i should be. Alone but not lonely, not completely happy but at least not unhappy. It will take time, but it will always get better. I just know it will.

 

If has nothing good to say, Z-I-P

I know its not easy to tell someone they suck straight to their face, but saying they do behind their back is never an option. That's the best thing about having friends. The real ones of course. They'll tell you that you are gaining weight like a whale even if its going to crush your ego, because they know you deserve  to know the truth and they expect you to do the same to them. Is it not about what was said, it is how it was said. There's a big difference. Like for example, When i gained weight and lost my self esteem in the process, i would constantly get remarks on how i look different from before. I usually dont mind,  Id tell them that's its not going to motivate me to lose extra pounds. stubborn as i was, I'd usually answer them with a 'Once-and-for-all-tone' that I am going to lose my wait because i wanted to and not for any other reason. And when i did managed to shed off extra pounds a month later, people started noticing. It felt good because I know those were genuine remarks, however I have this former Office mate come up to me and said, 'Ang taba mo na!' The annoying thing is, every time we bump into each other, (since our offices are on the same building) she will always  point out  and say her famous 'Ang taba mo na' line. But since i was feeling my thorns coming out and my Bella Flores persona coming in, I decided to wear my bitchy suit. I would have stayed calm if it was true,  but its clear to me that she has been making those nasty comments about my weight to make me feel Unpretty, horrible, and insecure. There is no one to blame but myself since i let her win before. Well, lets just say those were her lucky days and due to some unfortunate events, im putting an end to it.

Back to the scene, I was feeling really sexy with my Little Black dress, 4-inch heels, red glossy lipstick and my oozing self confidence plus receiving the compliment from friends and non friends of returning to my old shape, (well almost close) when this former Office mate threw that 'Ang taba mo na' thingy again...


At first, I said 'I lost weight na kaya'
Former Office mate: Pumayat ka na nian??!
Me: Yes, ikaw nga eh! You look fat! Your tummy is so big. Muka kang buntis!!
(Everyone laughed)


Former office mate was startled and walked away.
LESSON: Don't start with me. NEVER.  :)

Happy father's day daddy papa.

Hi Pa. Happy Father's Day! Theres a lot of things i wanted to tell you, a lot of stories i wanted to share, i miss you everyday and i cant wait for the time to sit right next to you and just be with you. i wanted to tell you everything i have been through, every heartache, every triumph, pains and of course smiles. i missed you a lot i cant help but cry. Well although we talk most of the time on my thoughts and prayers,that doesnt lessen  my longing for you.  thanks Pa for just being there, youre the only one i talk to these days, and you know how hard and painful things are to me right now, but  the thought of knowing that you are listening up there, lightens up the burden.. With you i could just cry my heart out and let my guards down, and though i admit that i am at my most vulnerable these days,  please dont  worry much about me, i am a fighter just like you, this is just a phase that i have to go through to be a stronger and better person, a person you will always be proud of. Another thing, thanks for letting it rain the other day, i know you prayed with me so i could get myself to sleep otherwise id be a walking zombie coz i lack sleep lately. Pa, sorry if havent shown you how much i adore and love you when you were still here with us, cliche it may seem but its true that you never realize what you have until its gone. :(  i will always miss you and you will always be my favorite man.  Again, this is your day, Happy father's day Pa! talk to you later! :)

*Happy daddy's day to all wonderful dad's out there.  Pls make time to tell your Dad how much you love them and kiss and hug them while you have all the chance, not evryone has the opportunity to do so.